Thank You Ncuti Gatwa for a Doctor Who Regeneration

Nobody reads this blog, let alone you, but I want to say it nonetheless - thank you Ncuti! You really are giving Peter Capaldi a run for his money as my number one!

Whether you regenerate on Saturday or not, I just wanted to say I have loved your time as the Doctor.

I found out I was autistic not long before you became the Doctor, and everything has therefore collided in a weird way. I am not sure if I am coping with it yet, I don’t think I have fully got my head around everything it means, but I can jump into your adventures to escape whenever I want!

Seeing the world in a slightly different way has drawn me to the Fifteenth Doctor. I saw the people who choose hate over giving you a chance, I saw the people who continue to choose hate and profit over giving you a chance. I see the racist comments, I see people claiming they aren’t racist and homophobic, and then seconds later proving that they are racist and homophobic. I see these people, and I despair. I despair that humans are like that. I despair they aren’t like you and the Doctor!

Fifteen Meets Mary Poppins

I’ve been genuinely heartbroken watching how quickly some fans turned away from the show the second you took over. How easily they dismissed your Doctor without watching. The hate. The nonsense. The lazy comments about the show being woke. The reviews from people who clearly hadn’t bothered to watch. It’s been infuriating. Baffling. Because if they’d actually looked, really looked, they would have seen an emotional, brilliant Doctor in a joyous, fun, silly little show.

But maybe that’s part of why I’ve clung to your Doctor so tightly. Maybe part of loving Fifteen has been feeling like I need to stand up for him, the way I wish people stood up for lots of people in this fucked up world.

You win though, because you are the Doctor! Always were, and always will be! A smiling, glowing Doctor full of energy and soul. A Doctor I didn’t know I needed, arriving at the time when I did.

I connected with your Doctor straight away. This may have been down to forces outside the show I have already mentioned, but that doesn’t take away the fact your Doctor is everything I am not on screen - stylish, funny, cool. There are extremes though, because Fifteen is unpredictable, there is a lot of joy, but underneath that there is a rage and vulnerability. Everything a Doctor should be! A constant storm inside, masked by a smile - that’s what being autistic feels like for me.

Why Doctor Who Needs Protecting

Does your Doctor cry too much? I don’t think so, it doesn’t bother me! It is good to see a Time Lord shed a tear! I have the most awful feeling you are going to make me cry myself on Saturday night!

I have loved Millie and I have loved Varada! Two amazing companions for an amazing Doctor! You have sang with goblins, fought Gods of music and death, and hairdressers. You've met friends old and new. You have been a cartoon, a historian and John Smith, you have been the Doctor!

I don’t know what’s going to happen in the finale, but I have a horrible feeling I know how it will end. If that orange glow is swirling around you then you will be going out as one of my favourite Time Lords. You will be standing alongside a fellow countryman of yours, two wildly different people and Doctor’s, but both carrying this amazing humanity inside of them!

I’m grateful for what you brought to the show. For the joy. For the pain. For the vulnerability. For showing me, at a time when I was just beginning to understand myself, that being different can be powerful. That emotion is not weakness. That joy can be defiance. That caring is cool.

Whatever happens next, thank you, Ncuti. You arrived when I needed you. And I’ll never forget that!

If you don’t regenerate, then bring on the next series and let's pretend I wasn't quite so soppy!

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